Once I Dreamed About…
….tiny midgets. Yes tiny midgets (and I do mean tiny) crawling out of the electrical outlets. Straight out of the little slots like tiny little freakish soldiers. At first they didn’t do anything except fall straight to the floor. Some landing on their feet, some on their behinds, some on their sides or faces. Then, (if they weren’t the ones on their feet) they stood back up, at attention, and in line. There seemed to be hundreds of them but there were probably only fifty or so. Once they got themselves into line they all just kind of stood there.
In my dream, I got up from my couch and crossed over to them, then I squatted down real close to them to get a better look. They were all dressed in boots, jeans, and teeny tiny black baseball caps. The only difference was their shirts. Each one wore a different band t-shirt. From Wu Tang to the Pixies, the Stones to Megadeth so many bands on such tiny t-shirts. In hindsight, I’m not sure how I managed to read them or anything but in my mind I could see each little shirt clearly.
They stood there staring at me until finally I got bored and took a deep breath.
In…
and In….
and In…..
and Out.
Whooshhhhhhhh! They all toppled backwards like freakish little dominoes, arms pinwheeling as if they could catch themselves, only to smack their buddy behind them in the face, or to get hit themselves, and all to fall. Click, click, thud, bump into the floor. For a moment I was ashamed, these tiny figures were people too! Well, sorta. Right? Yet, the more I thought of it, the sillier it seemed, until I was rolling around on the floor laughing hysterically.
The scene grayed out for a moment. To come back with me pinned to the floor, not terribly unlike Ted Danson in Gulliver’s Travels. I wasn’t laughing anymore at that point, more confused than anything. How the hell did I get here and why me anyway? While I pondered that, one of the little things climbed up my arm, onto my chest, jumped to my chin and then stood on my nose. It was very hard to see it clearly, my eyes kept crossing until eventually, I closed one eye and peered at it from one eye only. This wasn’t much better but it worked. This little figure was wearing a Vanilla Ice shirt. I immediately started laughing again.
“What is so funny, you?” it asked in its tiny tinny creepy voice.
“You. (laughing) ohhh yo..yo….ya…you! You’re we- wah- wear- wearing avanillaiceeeeeeee (more laughing, trying to catch breath) shhhhhhirt. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh that’s so guhguhgoood. Everyone’s fa-favorite fla-fla-flavor.” The hysterical laugher continued until the midget started jumping up and down on my nose. “Ow! Cut that out damnit!” I shouted at the little parasite as I began jerking my head from side to side as best I could. When suddenly….
The biggest sneeze ever started to build in me. I could feel it tickling my nose even in my sleep. Creeping up and building momentum.
Ahhhhhhh….
Ah……………….
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……….
AH-CHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooo!
His little bitty ballcap shooting off quickly followed by the little Ice’d bastard himself going flying backwards, end over end, Vanilla Ice looking at me, then gone, looking at me then gone, about five 360s, before….
…
….
…..
I woke up.
The End….
(yes, it’s fiction)