writing prompt: Bad news cures all things
Sunday, May 27th, 2007“Bad news cures all things.”
“OW!”
“Oh quit your whining, it’s not that bad”
“Not that bad!? This stuff stings! What the hell’s in this pol- poltris-?
“Poultice”
“Whatever”
“Poltris… You make it sound like chicken shit or something”
“For all I know it is”
“Hey you’re the one who needs to heal up quickly – Mr. Important Actor”
“Hey! I have a really important audition tomorrow, I can’t show up with some huge scab on my face. OW! Would you just be careful applying that… stuff…”
“How did you do this again?”
“Sigh… I was lighting a cigarette”
“huh… You’ve smoked since you were… like 13… I would have expected you to be able to light one without burning your face”
“I couldn’t find my lighter ok, I tried to use the stove. I didn’t think that the… burner… thing… would still be hot”
“Huh”
“What?”
“Well I just thought that the whole blonde thing was just with women”
“Oh, Fuck you”
“Hey, You came to me man”
“OW! What the hell is in this stuff, it is really stinging!”
“Sigh… it’s nothing really. It’s all natural healing ingredients. You have purified water… there’s nothing better than nice clean water to clean out a wound right?”
“mmm”
“Then you have the ashes of a ‘Dear John’ letter”
“What!?”
“What? You need something for body right? Something to hold the other ingredients… otherwise I’d just be splashing water on your face”
“Ok… what other ingredients”
“Oh nothing important… there’s some… sodium…”
“Sodium? What’s that?”
“It’s… a… mineral. It’s been used in medicine for centuries”
“Oh. Ok, what smells like lemons, I smell lemons”
“That would be the lemon juice I put in”
“Ow… wait, you have to put lemon juice in it?”
“No, I just think it smells nice”
“Oh. Ok. Now wait… what’s a Dear John letter?”
“Well a Dear John letter is a letter that someone, usually a girlfriend would send to a soldier away at war, to tell them that they don’t love them any more”
“Oh. I don’t get it”
“Well a Dear John would be bad news to anyone who get it”
“Ok… yeah, I don’t get it.”
“Well ‘Bad news cures all things.’ You’ve never heard that?”
“No”
“Huh. My mom said it all the time. Ok! All done, that’ll be $50”
“What? How much?”
“$50”
“But, we’re friends, we’re neighbors”
“Not if I don’t make rent this month”
“Huh. Ok, well I’d better get this part”
“Don’t worry, you will! Here if you want I can make you a good luck charm.. I’ll just get my parrot”
“Your parrot? Why?”
“Well, getting shit on by a bird is good luck. What? You’ve never heard that? My mother used to say that all the time”