Insert clever title here…

about Johnny Depp. No, no, no, no, not that kind of dream. He’s a bit too pretty for my taste. I was having a bad time in my life, nothing was going right. You ever had those kinda days? Weeks? Months? God, I had been having those kind of years. Anyway, I was trying to decide what to do with my life, to get it out of the very deep hole that it had crawled into. I tried all these things trying to get my life on track. I tried taking classes that I wasn’t very good at, hoping to be able to get a better job, to make more money, as if money in and of itself could magically fix all my problems. Didn’t work. Then I tried going out and partying with younger, single friends, just drinking all my cares away. Only thing was, the next day, the problems were still there and now I had a headache and nasty morning breath that lasted all day. And I was poorer from all the partying expenses. And it didn’t work, either. Tried yoga…the stretches felt good, but it was hard to remember all the poses and in which order….maybe there’s a yoga for dummies book somewhere. Tried eating healthier, only problem was, I was so busying worrying about my crappy life that I fell off the healthy food wagon. That night. Tried losing myself in books, movies; only problem was, when I was done with the book or movies, there was my sad, pathetic self waiting to still be fixed. That’s how I met Johnny, I guess. I had been watching the Pirate movies, and I decided that he wasn’t too bad an actor, so I watched a few more of his movies. Do you know, that guy makes some weird choices in movie roles. The Libertine was quite creepy, yet compelling in a way. Anyhow, somewhere in all that movie watching I had decided that I needed to improve myself by going through some drastic changes. The kind of changes just short of a sex change and shaving my head and painting myself blue, yet still drastic. So I’m sleeping, right? And in walks Johnny, and we’re in a kitchen and I’m sitting at a plain wooden table…the kind that sits in old farmhouse kitchens that have seen a million meals…and we’re talking about stuff, who knows what, there are other people there, I know them in my dream, but I can’t see their faces. And I ask Johnny for something, like please hand me ….whatever I asked for…and he says, “No.” And I ask again, and again he replies, “No.” And I ask him why he won’t give it to me, and…. here’s the deep part,… he says, “Because you don’t really want that or need it. What you really need is this.” And he hands me a glass of water that he filled from the kitchen tap. And, I swear, it’s like a billion watt light goes off in my head, and I think, of course, why didn’t I think of that before?! So, I wake up, and I remember the dream! Completely and fully! Like, that has never happened before for me. And I immediately write it down, somehow knowing that this is THE MOMENT, the one that has changed my life. So, I really gotta thank Johnny for all the great turns my life has taken since then. Life is fantastic, I’m happy and healthy, my outlook is completely different,  my problems are small and pretty much non-existant and to think it wouldn’t have been if I didn’t take that glass of water from him. So, thank you, Johnny. I’ll see you in my dreams. And you could come as Jack Sparrow if you wanted to next time.